"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Who died my cat blue again?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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