I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
