OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
4 words: hood of his car
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
