I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
