so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
