I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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