so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
