Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
