I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
