I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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