My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
