I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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