my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!