Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon