k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".