just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?