My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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