I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance