our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
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If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
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My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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