:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
