Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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