If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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