We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
