tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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