Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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