It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
