All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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