I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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