So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
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Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
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All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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