I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
