Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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