wrigley field is MILF paradise
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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