well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
