And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
