Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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