i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
