i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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