if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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