They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
