Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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