i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
