so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
