Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
