4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
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His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
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Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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