Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Blood and glitter go together right?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
