I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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