Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
