Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.