I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.