I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome