Apparently you make a good broom.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting