you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.