Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
