remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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