I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize