just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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