She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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