i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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