I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
