I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Randomize
