im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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