I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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