margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
