he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
