How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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