Nicole vs. Life
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
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If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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