You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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